Heart Ache #2

I'll be honest with you. Right now, I can think of only three things.

1. Getting my mission call

2. Summer

3. Leaving for my mission

With everyone getting their mission calls, I'm feeling really restless, and every time I think about it I completely lose focus (hence the reason I'm blogging about it in the library rather than studying). Also, my white, sun-deprived skin is craving some vitamin-D. I don't know how much longer I can take the snow and weather in the 20s. I'm losing my mind. I just wish I was in Texas right now. Texas or Colorado or Arizona or California or Maine or somewhere pretty and warm. Spring is almost here, which means my focus will just be completely gone.

When I was in high school, the day after we got back from winter break every year, my friend Kellie and I would start a countdown of the says left until summer. We would write the number on our hand every day and make bucket lists of things we were going to do in the summer. I didn't do it my senior year, though, because the thought of summer filled me with so many emotions I couldn't handle it. As excited as I was to graduate and be done with school, I still got nervous thinking about leaving my friends and family and all of the things I had become so comfortable with over the years. That is exactly how I feel right now: I was basically forced into facing my fears, I came to BYU and moved on from high school and those things I was so used to. Here at BYU, I've become good friends with so many people; I consider some of them the best friends I've ever had. I've come to love living in the dorms, and how simple my day-to-day life is. Everything I need is right at my finger tips, and while the food could better sometimes, there's nothing I would change about it. I can't wait to leave on my mission; I can't wait for all of my friends to leave on theirs. But I am faced again with leaving the familiar. It makes me nervous. And the thought of saying goodbye...I hate it. I will never ever ever be good at that.