Waiting

Waiting isn't usually the greatest. Unfortunately, I make people wait for me a lot, because I'm sometimes late to things. (Or - I'm late to everything. Almost.)  I justify being late by saying "Oh, it's just a couple of minutes." But if we're being honest, nobody actually likes to wait on someone. Or something. People do it because they're patient or because they have to, but it does not mean that waiting is fun.

Today, I am waiting. I am waiting for the biggest thing that has happened in my life thus far. My mission call is in the mail - or so I think/REALLY hope. I can't even handle it anymore. I am sitting in the library, trying to study, and getting no where. I've managed to get a few things done, but I am literally bouncing in my seat, looking at my phone obsessively, checking to see if "that call that tells all" has come yet. But alas, nothing Not yet.

Please oh please oh please oh please oh please let it come today.

Welcome, Welcome

Today was so wonderful. I think I could say that about every single Sunday, but today was just particularly great for me. All of the talks that were given during Sacrament meeting just spoke straight to my heart, and I learned so much. Just to sum up the greatness that I heard today --

Chrysta Despain talked about the importance of being a strong link in our chain of family history; being able to connect our ancestors to our posterity. I love the thought that I can be that link - that someday, my whole family can be connected in the gospel through me. It's a crazy thing to think about.

Jake Uibel talked about the importance of work. Work, no matter how hard or annoying it may be, is essential in God's plan for us. He made a really great analogy about working hard and earning the things we get out of this life versus just cruising through: we can either climb mountains, struggle through life, and see our great success when we reach the top, or we can cruise through life on an elevator, get to the top and realize that there was no great success or triumph in our journey. I thought that was a really interesting way of looking at it. My favorite part of his talk was when he said, "As we become more like Heavenly Father, our work becomes His." 

Maggie Paris talked about personal responsibility. She said, "We are accountable for what we make of our lives." It is so true. We have the ability to choose exactly what we do with our lives, how we do it, and why we do it. She talked about the importance of setting high standards for yourself and for those around you, and being responsible in order to have a better chance of actually sticking to those standards. I also loved when she quoted the "For the Strength of Youth" pamphlet and said that "righteous choices lead to lasting happiness." Being a college student about to leave on a mission, I realize the importance of responsibility. I loved this talk because it's something that I really need to work on.

And Colter Stewart talked about how the Mormon church will save the world. I thought it was cheesy at first, but as he started to talk about it, it really meant a lot to me. If we have the truth, of course we want to share it. We want everyone to know all about Jesus Christ and what He did for us; we want everyone to know that there truly is a way that we can return to live with God. That's the whole purpose of missionary work. If we expect people to listen to our message, though, we have to be the kind of people that the world wants to listen to. He read 1 John 4:20, which says "If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?" How true is that? He said, "If we don't love others, how can we call ourselves disciples of Christ?" If we are to save the world, we have to start by simply being nice. Food for thought. I really enjoyed that talk.

The rest of church was so great as well. I think it is truly amazing that here at BYU (almost) everything in our ward is run by us, the students. We, who still have so much to learn and certainly don't know much about running a church, are expected to come to church each week and do everything necessary to make everything run smoothly and correctly. It's just a testimony to me that the Lord loves us - if he didn't, he wouldn't give us such a great responsibility as the youth of the church. I am constantly amazed by the faithfulness and the testimonies of the wonderful people in my ward. Being with them every week just builds me up so much. I am going to miss them like crazy when this all comes to an end in a few short weeks.

After lunch, Emma, Cecily, and I walked up to the temple because all of the missionaries in the MTC go there on Sundays. Emma's cousin Shelby is there, and so are Michael and Jacob, so we thought we'd go up and see if we could run into them. We saw Michael - he looked so happy. Honestly the happiest I've ever seen him, which is saying a lot because he is usually a pretty chipper fellow. He was actually skipping down the sidewalk with a big, goofy grin on his face when we first saw him. When he was talking to us, he just glowed with happiness and the Spirit. He even bore his testimony to us in Spanish! (Which is truly amazing - he's never spoken Spanish and has been in the MTC for 4 days now.) I could tell that he already loves being a missionary. That boy is going to do such great things. We didn't see Jacob, though. But we did see Shelby, and just like Michael she looked so happy. She just seems so ready to get out and preach the gospel. She only has seven days left, then she's off to Chile! I can't wait for her to get out there. She will be such an amazing missionary as well.

This day was just so wonderful. I can't say it enough. The spirit just makes you happy, and I feel that a lot up here. I love being here. I just love it.

We sang a beautiful hymn to close sacrament meeting today, and I just wanted to share one of the verses, because I think it really stuck out to me:

Israel, angles are descending 

From celestial worlds on high

And to man their pow'r extending

That the Saints may homeward fly.

Come to Zion, come to Zion,

For your Lord is coming nigh.

Come to Zion, come to Zion,

For your Lord is coming nigh.

Life is good. My mission call comes in four days. The semester is almost over (good and bad). I'm doing well in school. I have great friends. Spring is here. I'm happy.

It's 1:51 a.m., so...goodnight!

Daddy

I really miss my dad. Sometimes, when something crappy happens or if I just want to cry, I just wish that I could give my dad a big hug. He's a big guy, and his big hugs are the best. Right now, I could use a big hug from my daddy.

When I was little, he used to call me Princess, and I loved it so much. It was my favorite thing. That's one nickname I've had that's lasted for my whole life - he still calls me Princess every now and then, and it still just seems so natural. It's so sweet and I love it more than I can explain. 

My dad is the world's biggest fan of classic rock and everything from that era. He listens to it all the time - Queen, Lynard Skynard, REO Speedwagon, Meat Loaf, ACDC, Rush, Bruce Springsteen, Blue Oyster Cult, Bon Jovi, Boston, and so many others. That's all I listened to when I was growing up. Some of my favorite memories are of me and my dad singing the song "Riding the Storm Out" by REO Speedwagon. That's the first song I remember actually knowing the words to, and I loved singing it with him whenever he played it.

He has gotten so much better. This sad, beaten-down man that I've always known is beginning to smile more and laugh - really laugh at things. He's not as angry as he used to be. He likes to be around people a little bit more than he used to. He is still praying to find God; to find out if he's really there and figure out what he's all about. He is sober, and has been since the middle of January. Now, I realize that two months is not a super long time, but it's long enough to prove to me that he really does want to change. I admire him so much for that. He's told me that he knows he has messed a lot of things up, but that he's ready to fix them. One year ago, these changes he's made were things I prayed for, but had no idea for sure if they would ever happen. But they're happening. I just can't wait to see what happens with this funny man that I love so much. I just hope he finds God soon. Then that way, he'll really be able to see the blessings that will come while I'm on my mission. Not only that, but his life will be so much better. I know he'll figure it out. He's a smart guy.

I love him. That's really all there is to it. 

Just so the world knows, he's my daddy forever. None of this "dad" stuff that big kids say these days. He'll always just be my daddy. And that's all I really need.

Blessed Sunshine

Today was full. The kind of full that makes you feel good - not the kind that leaves you feeling uncomfortable. The best kind of full there is.

Today, Michael entered the MTC. I thought I had it together, because I feel like I've already said goodbye to him so many different times. At first, it didn't seem any different from those other times I've said goodbye - those times, I sort of knew I'd see him again. This time, though, I realized as I was saying the words "Goodbye Elder Johnson" that this was it. This goodbye was the real one. I couldn't even say it without crying, and I literally ran away because I had started crying so hard. I sat in my psychology class after that, silently wiping away my tears and not even really pretending to listen. 

But, then I realized something really important. Yes, I'm going to miss Michael like crazy. I'll miss Emma and Cecily and Tyler and Tori and Wesley and Chrysta and Rhett and Connor and Kiersten and Taylor and Allison and Alex and Van and MJ and Daniel and Billy and Sammi and Bobby and Nick and Will and Jake and so many others while they're away on their missions and I'm away on mine. But as sad as it is to see him go, and eventually all of the others, it's all for a reason so much greater than those little holes in my heart. Missionaries have a mission, believe it or not. There's a reason we're all going out to serve the Lord. And that's why we all signed up for it.

Life just goes on, I guess. I get really used to having certain people around; living in the way that's most comfortable at the time. For example, calling Michael three times (at least) a week, and telling him all about my lame college life. Or staying up late, watching movies and having sleepovers with my best pals. These things will come to an end pretty soon, here. And pretty soon, I'll be preaching the gospel all day long and going to bed at 10:30 every single night. And waking up at 6:30 every single morning. Yes, things will certainly be changing.

But for now, I've decided that I'm going to enjoy the time I have left here in Provo. Today was an absolutely beautiful fifty-five-degree day, and I think I did a fair job of enjoying the sunshine. We played outside for so long tonight, passing a football and a soccer ball, running around and just having a good time. Those are the moments I live for - when things aren't perfect, but in that moment you're happy and having fun and the world just stands still for a little bit and lets you have the time of your life. 

The sunshine, the fun classes, the productivity, the heart-felt goodbye, the time spent with good friends made my day full. I'm pretty happy right now. Actually, I'm really happy right now. There's so much good in my life, and every day I'm thankful to be where I am.

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Also -

Another thing that makes life so great is country music. I thought I'd share my current obsession, partly in honor of Michael, because I know he likes country music, and partly because I just think everyone in the world should listen to it and be obsessed with it too. I'm in love with this song and the video that goes with it. It's been stuck in my head for a few days now. It makes me think of summer, and life, and missed opportunities, and cute boys in jeeps. What's better, really?

One Step Closer

I did it.

I submitted my mission papers. Today. Tonight. 5 hours ago. They're in; there's no turning back now. I'm going to be a missionary. A real missionary. One who wears a name tag and carries extra Books of Mormon and talks to every person they see and rides a bike and wears ankle-length skirts and only communicates to the outside world via letters. That's going to be me.

Today, I spent a lot of time reading my old blogs, looking at pictures, and thinking about my life and how much I have changed over the past few years. I feel like I've been doing this a lot lately. My freshman year of college is coming to an end, and I'm about to leave on one of the grandest adventures of my entire life. It's fun for me to look back at things I used to talk about and worry about, and I especially love observing the fact that my nerdiness was just as prominent back then as it is today. One thing I stumbled upon today that made me laugh out loud was the description box on my oldest blog, one I've had since I was a freshman in high school. About myself, I said: "My name is Michelle. I like to play outside and look for shooting stars. I'm a windows-down music-blasting kind of girl, and someday I will live in Texas - but first, my destination is Maine. I love people and I love to talk. I tend to live my life without shoes and my favorite color is green. I am young; I have a whole life to live and a lot of things to do before it's over." It's funny how all of those things are still 100% true. I will live in Texas someday, but Maine is my first love when it comes to adventurous destinations; my favorite color has and always will be green; I'm a star-gazer and live for shooting stars. It made me smile to think that some of the big things, and even the little things, are still the same. I still have the same strange quirks, and I still have the same dreams. I'm still me - I've always been weird and awkward, and I've always been super sensitive and slightly prone to push-over-ness. I've always loved old people and singing in the shower and walking around barefoot and dancing in the rain. I've always loved to learn and take chances. I haven't always known that Jesus Christ is my Savior and that Joseph Smith was a prophet that restored the true church back to the earth. These things came later; it took a little bit of digging for me to find these things. They're not just simple concepts that you memorize for a test and forget later - these are things that have changed my life, and the way I see myself and others. I feel like I'm a new person - no, I know that I'm a new person, in so many ways - but I'm still me. Does that make sense?

Maybe not. But I feel so much comfort knowing that from the very beginning (I mean, the beginning) God knew I was going to make a whole bunch of dumb mistakes, do a lot of weird things, and hang out with people that maybe weren't the best influences. He knew I would have a ton of weaknesses (e.g. Always being late, laughing at inappropriate times, and getting occasional C's on tests, among many others) and that it would take me a while to get to know Him. He knew that after 17 years of arrogance and stupidity (but thankfully a solid 17 years of good looks), I would eventually meet  a couple of handsome missionaries, get baptized, end up at BYU, and meet a thousand incredible people along the way that would encourage and uplift me. Not just encourage and uplift, but pray for me, teach me, help me understand big concepts and little details, drive me to church activities, make dinners for my family, help me pay for college, play basketball and ultimate frisbee with me, and help my testimony to grow stronger every single day. He knew I needed them, so my little path on the Big Plan had to cross all of their paths as well. He knew that I needed help. He knew that I was lost. He knew all of it. And still he put me here, said "Go ahead," and let me just be me. Plain old me.

I don't know if all of this makes sense. But just to clarify --

I'm Michelle Christine Scott. I love wrestling with dogs, watching Spongebob, and drinking lemonade while reading a good book in the sun. I like to jump off of things and catch crawdads in relatively slow-moving streams. I am late to most things and I love to go on adventures. I have the best parents and a brother who doubles as my best friend and partner in crime. I really like to wear mid-calf socks and strongly believe in second chances. I've made it pretty far in life, and I've learned a lot. I love people, and I will treasure my friends until the world stops spinning. Right now, though, and most importantly:

I'm a missionary in the making.

Whole

I've been trying for about a week to think of something to say. I start typing and not many coherent thoughts make it out. These pictures say enough for me, though. This is just a brief preview of what's been on my mind these days.

One more thing, that has been on my heart almost constantly lately, but that I don't really have a lot to say about right now--

"And behold, a woman, which was diseased with an issue of blood twelve years, came behind him, and touched the hem of his garment:

For she said within herself, If I may but touch his garment, I shall be whole.

But Jesus turned him about, and when he saw her he said, Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole. And the woman was made whole from that hour." 

Matthew 9:20-22