"You're gonna miss this..."

This winter break has been jam-packed with so much. Family, friends, games, laughing, crying, star gazing, country music, missionary moments, good food, shopping, dancing, limping, reading, watching Psych, talking, praying, Halo 4 and Guitar Hero, kittens, queso, ugly sweaters, funny moments, sad moments, hugs, homemade dinners, spinach smoothies, playing with little kids, pizza, visiting old friends, sweet flannels, giving and receiving gifts, hanging out with the missionaries, parties (good and bad), facebook stalking, driving, visits to Brighton, good movies, good memories...so like, yeah. A lot. I still have 6 days left, and I can't even fathom all that is going to happen in that short amount of time. I feel similar to the way I felt when I left for college the first time. Having to say goodbye to my family, and having to say goodbye to my friends. Saying goodbye to my family is always sad. But there are so many people that I have to say goodbye to that I just don't think I can.

June. My sweet, old neighbor who has become one of my dearest friends. She's like my grandma, but she's honestly one of my best friends. I hate being so far away from her. I miss all of the talks we used to have on her back porch or in her garage or by the mailbox or in the street...she loves to talk. And I love her. So it works out. She loves to talk about the same things: her life as a nurse, her grandkids, her other little-old-lady-friends, her old house, and her daughter and husband who have both sadly passed away. I love listening to her, because her life is as full as her sweet heart. When she's sitting outside on her porch and I walk outside to go somewhere, I always hear this soft, cute "Hello!" from over the fence, and it always makes my day. I decided that I am going to start calling her once a week while I'm at school, because I just honestly miss her so much. I've learned a lot from her. She's not Mormon, but she would be a good one. Maybe the missionaries will get her while I'm gone. ;)

Claudia (Sister Abrams). This lady is absolutely amazing. She is in my ward, and her story just kills me (in a good way). She has inspired me in so many ways, and every time I talk to her, she says something that adds to my list of Inspirational Quotes By Claudia. She is so nice to me. She says the nicest things to me, and just makes me feel genuinely loved. I love her so much. We had a really sweet moment today as my mom and I were driving away...she was talking to us through the window of our car, and she just kept saying how much she was going to miss me and how she expected phone calls and pictures to keep her updated on my life. She said "Go out there, do well, and have fun. Do it for me." I just wanted to cry (and I did, don't you worry), but I decided that I will do all of those things, for Claudia.

Jessikia. I just met her a few days after I got home, but I fell in love with her right away. I met her when I went to teach her with the missionaries, and we kind of became BFFs after that. She's so hilarious, but so genuine at the same time. She has the sweetest spirit, and I just love how much she loves the missionaries and learning about the church. She and I are very different in a lot of ways, but she reminds me of myself a lot. Just the way that she asks so many questions, and how excited she is to get baptized. I love it so much, and I love every time that I get to hang out with her. The hardest part about leaving her is that I'm going to miss her baptism by one day. She's getting baptized on Sunday, and I leave on Saturday. When we found out, we both cried. It's so sad, but there's really no way we can change it. The only solace this situation provides is that she is getting baptized; she's not backing out or getting cold feet. She's 100% committed. I'm so excited for her. I'm so glad I became friends with her, but it's so bittersweet. We become friends, then I just turn around and leave. Life can be so cruel. But, it's also beautiful, so I'm okay with it I think.

Taylor. Taylor is one of my greatest friends in the whole world. I can't express how sad I am about leaving her this time. In August, at least she was just up at BYU-I, and visits to Provo were relatively common for her and her friends, so I got to see her quite a few times. She's on the track system, though, so she isn't going back to school until Spring. And until then, she'll be living in Chicago since her family moved there at the end of the summer. The Gannons are one of my favorite families, next to my own of course. I am in love with all of them. I can't handle the fact that they are so far away now, and now they're taking Taylor with them! When Taylor goes up to school, I'll be starting me summer break pretty much. And as soon as she finishes her semester, I'll be leaving on my mission. Contact between her and I will be so limited, besides Skype and phones. I won't see her for so long. And that just breaks my heart. I don't know what I'll do without my best cat. Every time I think about it, I tear up a little bit. I love that girl so much.

And, of course, Michael. I hate that I am going to be leaving him here in Colorado. I don't understand why he can't just come back next semester (okay, actually I do). I'm selfish, okay? I'll admit it. But I just wish he could be there. I can't imagine life in Provo without him. He was my lunch buddy. He was the third member of the classiest trio in P-town. He was my confidant; the person who I knew would never judge me. He listened to me a lot, because I talked a lot. He walked with me to the Creamery on 9th and helped me plan a super sick surprise birthday party. He made me laugh so hard I almost peed myself...everyday. He chased cats and he chased me when he transformed into a gorilla monster. He fell asleep in the Planetarium and every movie ever. He talked like Miranda and always made weird faces. He cried when I told him my conversion story. He laughed at all of my jokes. I know I've said it a million times, so get ready for me to say it a million times more, but he and Tyler are two of the best friends I made this semester. I know he has great things ahead of him, but it doesn't make this goodbye much easier for me. I'm so excited to go back to Provo, but there will just be hole in my heart for a while. My life will go on, and he will be in Colombia before any of us realize it. I can't wait for his letters, though; I know that kid will be an amazing missionary and he is going to have the time of his life there. I'm so excited for him, but I'm going to let myself be sad too. I suck at saying goodbye.(Imagine what it will be like when Tyler leaves for his mission...there will be a lot more posts like this. #sopumped). 

I'm sorry I'm so mushy, but I can't help it. I promise I'll start posting happier things. Someday. Tomorrow. Tomorrow, I promise.

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To finish this post on a happy note, though, my mom apparently talked to my dad about my mission last night. I'm kind of bummed that she didn't include me in this conversation, but I guess it was for the better. But it went really well - I guess he was sort of upset at first, but at the end of the conversation he had pretty much said he was okay with it, because he knew it was something I really wanted to do. He has a lot of questions, which is understandable. But it all honesty, I did not think it would have gone as well as it did. I'm so thankful right now. His heart is being softened so much...and he doesn't even know it. The church is true! I'M GOING ON A MISSION!

Feeling #limited

Sorry about the weird title with the hashtag in it. Sometimes I can't help myself. #sorrynotsorry #oops #somanyhastags #butnottoomany #iguessi'mkindoffunny

I only have one week of break left. I'm secretly panicking about it, because as excited as I am to go back to Provo, there are a few things that I am dreading about it. Saying goodbye to my family, Michael, and Taylor. Homework. Leaving Colorado. It's going to be just as hard to leave this time as it was the first time.

But, thankfully, today was so great that it took my mind off of all those things. It was a simple, laid-back day, but it was so great. A brief overview:

I rode the light rail with my friend Danny into Denver today. Danny is one of the greatest people I've ever known, and it's so awesome that he lives so close to me. I knew who he was before I went to BYU since he's basically famous in Colorado, but didn't know him until we ended up in the same ward. Small world. I love it.

We met up with Michael for lunch on 16th street mall. I have to admit, I don't love Denver. I'm really just not a city person. But I love 16th street because it's so full of life and culture and craziness and fun. It was just nice to be in a cute little bakery with two of my good friends, talking and laughing and catching up. Those are my favorite moments; being with people you love, just talking and having fun just being with them. I can always tell that I like someone when I have fun just sitting and talking with them. We had a good time today.

After lunch, I came home and just hung out with my family for a bit, took a short little nap, and had dinner later on with my parents. I always love hanging out with them.

Tonight was Michael's Ugly Sweater Party. I took my friend Taylor with me, and we just talked the whole drive out there. I can't believe that girl is leaving me again. I'm going to miss her so much. But it was so fun to just talk about our lives and share stories - sad times and funny times and good memories of the semester. Anyway, the party itself was so great. There's never a dull moment when you're with Michael Garrett Johnson, and that's just a fact. But we just hung out and played games, danced to the Just Dance 4 game (which I'm SUPER good at...really, I am), and had root beer floats. Taylor and I were anti-social for a little while and played the piano and sang hymns for a little while. I think people thought we were kind of weird, but it was great. I love being able to hang out with people and just have fun. Real, 100% genuine fun. I laughed a lot, which isn't surprising, but it's always a good sign.

I love Colorado and the memories I make here. I love the love that exists here. It's going to be a tough goodbye. That's for sure.

One of Those Nights

I love this song so much. I think about all of "those nights" that I've had and it makes me smile. Those nights when everything is perfect and you smile so much your face hurts; you just know you'll remember it forever.

Like... The night (I think I was 9) my dad took me outside during a lightning storm and we just laid in the grass watching the lightning for an hour. When I graduated from seminary with my "one year completed" certificate. The night at church camp a few summers ago when they turned off every light in the entire camp and let us lay under the stars for a while. All of the nights that Emma and I would sit out in her car, talking about life, occasionally crying, but usually laughing about our lives. The night that a few of my friends pulled an all-nighter and played Dog-opoly (the dog version of Monopoly, of course) all night long.The night that my friends and I walked along the shore of Manhattan beach and bonded by telling each other our secrets. The night my friend Maureen and I "snuck out" of her house past curfew, went to the park, and came running right back because we thought we were going to get arrested. The night that Jake, Emma, Cecily and I stole a traffic cone and put it in a McDonald's drive through (#rebels). My first Fourth of July at Cornerstone Park - they have the best fireworks in all the land. The night my brother almost set our house on fire (it was funny afterward...kind of.) The night we picked up my cousins at the airport when they came home from living in Maine for two years. The night of my first group date with the boy I secretly liked. The night I decided I wanted to get baptized. The night that Emma and I blasted "Call Me Maybe" in our cars, perfectly in sync, in the Arapahoe High School parking lot. The night I fell off my bike and face planted in the middle of my street (I was 6, don't judge). The night of my senior prom (but not junior prom...) The night a few summers ago when I was camping with one of my best friends, Reagan, and we played tag with all of the boys on the campsite and had to chase down a dog that ran away. The night I went to Elitch's with a bunch of my friends and we went on the Tower of Doom and the Half Pipe in the rain. The night that I saw my favorite band in the world in concert. The nights my dad would take me driving, and play his old school music that I secretly love. The night that my cross country coach, my favorite coach in the whole entire world, gave me his coach's award for the season. The night that my ward hiked the Y at midnight. The night I found out I made varsity. The night that I was finally baptized. The night I got my first stitches from cutting my knee open on a bucket. The first night that Taylor and I went to Sedalia to go star gazing...we drove all the way out there, just to chicken out and turn around because we were afraid of the dark. The night of my first high school football game...our team always sucked, but it was the atmosphere. The night that my lacrosse team junior year won our last game of the season against Heritage/Littleton, making us undefeated for the whole year (we went on to win the summer tournament too...we were kind of hot). The night that Tyler, Michael and I pulled an all nighter (I talk about this a lot, but it was a fun night).

I could do this all day. But the important part of this post is the song, and here it is:

"Remember Christ."

Christmas has come and gone, just like it does every year. I ate a lot of food, just like I do every year. We played a lot of games, made a lot of cookies, and cracked a lot of dumb jokes. We laughed about funny things that have happened, and talked about things we hope will happen. I played Christmas music everywhere I went. We hung ornaments and lights and put up our favorite decorations. We bought gifts, wrapped them, and put them under the tree. It was Christmas, that's for sure. It took a while for me to feel like it was actually Christmas - maybe because life was so crazy in the weeks leading up to it. It was the greatest blessing in the world to be home to spend today with my family. Christmas is always perfect; though all four of us don't have the same beliefs about this day and its significance, we all love each other enough that those differences don't matter. We come together as a family, and just spend the day genuinely enjoying each other's company. Today was one of the greatest days I've had in a long time. Not because we did anything fancy or because I got a ton of presents, but because I was able to spend this beautiful white, Colorado Christmas in Centennial, in the 9 degree weather, with my lovely little family. I couldn't have asked for anything more. 

I am so thankful to know that Christmas isn't just about the lights, the presents, or the food. In addition to spending time with family, we get to really spend time remembering the birth of our Savior. Because of this day, so many more incredible things happened. The life, ministry, Atonement, and resurrection of the Savior all happened because he was born in a manger in Bethlehem so many years ago. Because of the faith of one young woman and one young man, we are able to celebrate the birth of the Savior of the world.

I don't always do the best job of remembering the Savior during the Christmas season. I get caught up with everyone else in the stresses of life and trying to make everything perfect. Especially this year, I found that I was so focused on surviving the last few weeks of school and passing all of my finals that I didn't always leave enough time to reflect on the true importance of this season. At the beginning of December, though, was the First Presidency's Christmas Devotional. I love this broadcast, because it always comes at just the right time - right before people start stressing about presents and get-togethers and all of the less important things that come with Christmastime. I was just so thankful for the words of the prophet and his counselors to help me to remember what Christmas is really about. As I looked at those talks again, these were some of the lines that stuck out the most to me:

"At Christmastime we talk a lot about giving, and we all know that “it is more blessed to give than to receive,” but I wonder if sometimes we disregard or even disparage the importance of being a good receiver.  I hope that this Christmas and every day of the year we will consider, in particular, the many gifts we have been given by our loving Heavenly Father. I hope we will receive these gifts with the wonder, thankfulness, and excitement of a child...

"With you, and with all those who desire to follow the gentle Christ, I lift my voice in praise of our mighty God for the precious gift of His Son. This Christmas season and always, I pray that we will see the marvelous gift of the birth of the Son of God through the blessed eyes of a child." - President Uchtdorf

"As we sing in choirs, families, and classes, and as we have listened together tonight, the carols of Christmas remind us of our shouts of joy when we learned that we could come to this world and be given a Savior to redeem us. Someday we will sing those songs with the hosts of heaven...

"At this and every season, our Savior invites us to join with Him and others to offer the priceless gift of joy." - President Eyring

"My brothers and sisters, true love is a reflection of the Savior’s love. In December of each year we call it the Christmas spirit. You can hear it. You can see it. You can feel it...

"There is no better time than now, this very Christmas season, for all of us to rededicate ourselves to the principles taught by Jesus the Christ. It is the time to love the Lord, our God, with all our heart—and our neighbors as ourselves. It is well to remember that he who gives money gives much; he who gives time gives more; but he who gives of himself gives all…Let us make Christmas real. It isn’t just tinsel and ribbon, unless we have made it so in our lives. Christmas is the spirit of giving without a thought of getting. It is happiness because we see joy in people. It is forgetting self and finding time for others. It is discarding the meaningless and stressing the true values. It is peace because we have found peace in the Savior’s teachings. It is the time we realize most deeply that the more love is expended, the more there is of it for others." - President Monson

There is so much truth in these words. Joy in the Christmas season comes through remembering our Savior and sharing His love with those around us. I'm so thankful for my family, for my friends, and for my Savior, Jesus Christ. I'm thankful for this beautiful Christmas season, and for the fact that I was able to feel His love for me despite the craziness of life. The good news about Christmas is that it may have "come and gone," but the spirit that exists during this season can be with us all the time if we take the time to remember our Savior.

My favorite verse of my favorite Christmas hymn/carol, to wrap up what has been such a wonderful Christmas:

Hail the heav'n-born Prince of Peace!

Hail the Son of Righteousness!

Light and life to all he brings,

Ris'n with healing in his wings.

Mild he lays his glory by,

Born that man no more may die;

Born to raise the sons of earth,

Born to give them second birth.

Hark! the herald angels sing

Glory to the newborn King!

You Betcha!

This kid is on his mission right now. Already. He's on his mission. Right now, he is serving his mission. He is a missionary. I'm going to go back to Provo in a few weeks, and he will not be there for me to hang out with anymore. No more late night drives up to the top of Squaw Peak. No trips to haunted forests, haunted houses, or haunted hotels. No more Walking Dead marathons in the basement, complete with cookies and cheesy popcorn. No Maveriks hot chocolate, playing football in the front yard, going 40 over speed bumps and driving around the round-a-bout 7 times in a row, bringing doughnuts to Brynna, homemade Sunday dinners, blasting Demi Lovato and Taylor Swift, making stops at random parks to swing and stalk rich people or random day trips to Moab. Of course, I could still do all of those things, but it wouldn't be the same. I'm having a really hard time with this "goodbye for two years" thing. I love missionaries, and I know that Jake and Michael and Jaxon and Jacob and Landon and all of these other wonderful people I've met will be incredible missionaries, but I'm just so bad at saying goodbye. It will be so weird when they're not there next semester. Jake was one of the first friends I made last semester. He didn't even go to BYU; he wasn't in school at all. But since he was Emma's cousin, we hung out all the time, and we just became friends so easily and so quickly. Emma, Cecily, Jake and I. We had fun. I'm going to miss him so much, and it's going to be so weird when I realize we can't just call him and have him come pick us up for a late night adventure, but I know he'll be doing much more important things. I know that he'll be a wonderful missionary, and that all of those crazy Texans are about to be converted by one crazy Bolivian. (Well, by the spirit of course. But the Bolivian will deliver the message.) It's not even goodbye though, remember? Just a "See you later!"

But really, in Elder Boettcher's words, it's a "See ya in two!"

Missionary in Training

I've spent the past two nights with the missionaries from my ward teaching a girl who is investigating the church. I'm not necessarily "teaching," they just ask me to bear my testimony and talk about my experience as an investigator back in the day. It's been a truly incredible experience for me. I used to meet with the missionaries so often - there was rarely a week that went by that I didn't meet with them when I first started taking the discussions. It's so funny for me to be on the other side of the lessons now. After I was baptized, I did this sometimes, where I would tag along with the missionaries and bear my testimony and talk with other investigators. For some reason, it just feels different this time. Maybe it's because I'm actually going to be teaching these lessons in just a few short months. Or maybe it's because I've learned so much since then. I don't know, but I can tell you that it's a great feeling. 

The missionaries (Elder Kalkbrenner from Germany, and Elder Ence from Utah, who are both so awesome) are teaching a girl named Jessikia. She is pretty comfortable with the idea of getting baptized, but she kept saying over and over again tonight that she's nervous, and that she is afraid of the level of dedication she would have to have in order to actually get baptized. She was being pretty vague, and in the end she never completely opened up about what was going on, but something she said just spoke straight to my heart - she said that she was afraid that she couldn't really be forgiven for things she had done, and that she knew that even after she was baptized she would keep making mistakes. As cheesy as it is to say, I was so overcome with emotion in that moment, because that is exactly how I felt when I wanted to be baptized. As much as I wanted to be baptized, I was so afraid that there was still some disconnect that hadn't been mentioned; that because of things I had done I wasn't actually able to be baptized, or that even after I was baptized, I would still never really live up to what was considered "good enough." It's so sad, because that is the complete opposite of what the missionaries teach. I don't really know why I felt that way, but I could relate to Jessikia so much in that moment that I just had to say something (of course). As soon as I opened my mouth, though, I started crying and I felt kind of dumb, but the spirit was there and words just started coming out. I told her about the first time I truly repented, and how it felt when I came out of the water when I was baptized. I told her that I was scared to leave the church that night because I was afraid of sinning again and ruining that feeling of being perfectly spotless. I told her about how I felt when I knew without a doubt that I was forgiven, and when I knew that the Atonement was real. It was a really tender moment, because I haven't really talked about those things in a while. She started talking about her feelings, and the spirit was just so strong. I could have stayed there all night and just listened. I realized how much I missed spending time with missionaries and how much I treasured all of those times I was able to meet with them. Those were some of the hardest days of my life, but surely some of the greatest. In just a few weeks, it will have been two years since I started meeting with the missionaries. Two whole years. I can't even believe it sometimes. Since then, I've been baptized, my mom started coming to church, I made it through a semester at BYU, and I'm preparing to go on a mission. It's amazing how lives can change; but really, it's amazing how the gospel can change lives. I'm so excited for Jessikia. I know that this is the hard part, but I also know that she'll realize soon enough that she's right where she belongs, and all she needs to do is take that step. I wish I could be here longer to see what happens, but I already know what's going to happen. :)

I'm on this spiritual high right now, so I thought I'd share this video because it kind of goes along with the theme of this post. I saw this skit live when I went to YoungLife camp in Flagstaff, Arizona in 2010. Seeing this skit changed my life in a very real way - a lot of the things in this skit applied so perfectly to my life that I knew God had put me in that seat so I could see it. I hadn't felt that way in so long; I hadn't felt like God even knew or cared about me. This just proved to me that I was wrong. #it'satearjerker #beprepared

Daniel J.

Today was a pretty lazy day for me. It was kind of a horrible day, because Tyler left and I wasn't even there to say goodbye (my own fault - basically, I'm the worst person in the world). I sort of let myself mope around and be sorry for myself. I hate goodbyes, and I hate it even more when people leave without actually saying goodbye. Today, that was me. I was the one who didn't say goodbye. I can promise you that I will never forget that. It was one of those horrible, guilty, stomach-sinking kind of feelings that tells you that you'll never really forgive yourself for it. The good thing about it is that it's not really goodbye - it's a "see you later" kind of goodbye; a high five instead of a hug. We'll all be together again soon enough. There will just be a long, two and a half year gap in between our farewell and our reunion. But by that point, we'll be able to share all of our amazing spiritual experiences and talk about how incredible our missions were. So, it could be worse. I'm still a jerk though. 

My brother, Daniel, really, truly cheered me up though. I know he had no idea just how much he made my day, but he did. One of my favorite parts about coming home is hanging out with my little brother. He's not really all that little; in fact, he's pretty huge and has facial hair (which is super strange for me). I think I like him more than he likes me sometimes, but we get along. He is my best friend, and though we're really, extremely different in a lot of ways, we're very similar too. People used to always ask us if we were twins, because we've always looked alike. We both have a giant soft spot for old people. We get along with adults more than we do with kids our own age sometimes. Teachers love us. We're both good at math (except maybe that's not obvious based on my calculus grade this semester...). We both love to be outside. We love dogs and hate cats.  We have the same sense of humor. We like a lot of the same music. We've both played soccer and loved it...but really that one doesn't count because I stink at soccer now and am really just a wanna-be. We like to hike. We laugh at our parents and love them at the same time. We can talk for hours and still have things to talk about. My favorite memories of Daniel are the times that he would come into my room, close the door, sit on the ground and we would talk about everything under the sun. Sometimes our mom would come in to tell us to go to bed, so he'd go back to his own room for a little while, but he'd always come back so we could finish our conversation. We've shared some pretty horrible moments together, too. Like when I had to pick him up somewhere (multiple times, mind you) because he was too drunk to get home, or when we found out my dad had cancer. We've cried together, yelled at each other, and laughed with each other. He came to my lacrosse games, and I was the loudest fan on the sidelines at his soccer games. It's hardest for me to be away from him. As much as I love my parents, it's just so much harder sometimes to know that at school I'm so far away from him. That's what makes our little reunions so sweet. 

The greatest memory of my handsome little brother and I that I have to share right now is when we climbed our first Fourteener together over the summer. We promised each other that we would make time to do it, but it didn't end up happening until the second to last weekend of summer.  August 4, 2012. That was our day. It was a great day, let me tell ya. I have to say, despite all of the hiking I had done all summer long, I was not prepared for how hard that hike was going to be. My brother and I had done an 8 mile hike just a month before, so I thought I was set for life. But this 3,000 ft climb was pretty intense. My brother beat me by about 10 minutes, but he waited for me at the bottom of the rock climbing part. That was the best part - climbing up all of the huge rocks at the end, and really feeling like you were on some grand adventure. It was the greatest feeling in the world when we reached the top. I was so happy that I secretly cried a little bit - being at the top of Mt. Bierstadt in the midst of so many beautiful Colorado mountains with my best friend in the whole world. It was truly amazing. Hiking; brother. Two of my favorite things coming together in the most perfect way.

I'm just so happy to be here with my brother again. It's only for three weeks, but anything is good enough for me.

Muffin Tops

Today was my birthday. I can't believe that I'm nineteen years old. I think about all of the other birthdays that I've had, and I remember that for each one I thought "This is the biggest birthday I've had." I guess that's true - every year you're one year older, and it's monumental because with every age comes new and exciting things. This time though, I really feel that way. I feel like I'm growing up really fast, and that I can't seem to keep up with my life. I can't believe I've already finished one semester of college. I can't believe that in exactly one year I won't even be able to call myself a teenager anymore. It's exciting in so many ways, but it's  also scary in so many ways.

I was feeling really sentimental all day today, so I thought I would let that carry over into this post. I hate to be such a mush ball, but it's my birthday so I'll do whatever I want. My heart has been so full recently. My life is not perfect, and it never will be. The past few months were not easy - it was hard to be away from home, especially at first. Classes were hard, and I came out with grades that were less than stellar. I didn't get enough sleep and had some pretty gnarly headaches because of it. The cafeteria food was less than par, and downright nasty on Sundays. I cried when I missed my brother's soccer games. I sometimes just wanted to run away from the stress and homework and tell everyone that I was never actually good enough to make it into BYU, they just let me in by mistake. I was hard on myself a lot. But, I met so many incredible people and had so many amazing experiences that it was impossible for me to dwell on the hard things for too long. I can't accurately express the joy I experienced just from simply being around people and having fun with my friends. Looking back at this semester, my first semester of college at Brigham Young University, I have never been happier in my life. 

If you thought that was mushy, you better prepare yourself for what's next.

I'm not very good with words, which is really funny because I seem to talk a lot. I wish someone else could type out my thoughts because I'm sure it would sound a lot better. But, that's not the case. I just have to talk about two of the best friends I made this semester, Michael and Tyler. Today was the last full day we'll get to spend together for two and a half years. Two and a half years. Michael is going on his mission in March and won't be back for second semester. I don't think it's really hit me how long that actually is. I've never had a best friend or brother or anyone really close to me go on a mission, so I don't even know what to expect; I don't really know how to feel. Is it okay for me to be sad and cry all the time? Part of me says yes, but a lot of me says no because he's going out and doing the Lord's work. It's one of the greatest and most important things he'll ever do, and Tyler and I will get to do the same thing in just a few short months. Even with all of the positive things that come with this knowledge, it's still so hard for me. I think I'll let myself be sad for now. I have come to love these two people so much. We've talked before about how close we've become and joked about how there aren't any boundaries left between us since we've all embarrassed ourselves enough, but I don't know if they really know how much their friendship has meant to me. I have learned so much from these two, and literally just from being in their presence I feel like I've become a better person. Their testimonies are beautiful and real, and I can see it when I look at them. They just aren't ashamed of who they are; they're genuine and honest and have the purest hearts. I know they're not perfect, but I honestly see them as role models that I could have for every aspect of my life. When we first started hanging out, I didn't expect us to become as close as we did so quickly. We started this workout program together, called the Lazy Iron Man (completing a full Iron Man in one month) in the beginning of November, so we spent time together every day. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that we were working out together...I feel like your walls sort of go down while you're working out, because you're pushing yourself and sweating and all of that fun stuff...it's hard to put up a front, I guess. I don't know. But we bonded a lot over that experience. They pushed me really hard because they're both significantly more athletic than I am, and I really treasured the moments when I would come away from a workout knowing that if it weren't for them, I wouldn't have been able to do whatever we had just done. There were multiple times when we spent entire days together, just for fun. We ate lunch together, watched the entire series of The Walking Dead, spent hours studying and playing cards. There are so many things that happened that make me smile whenever I think about them...When we woke up early to have breakfast and watch Tyler's soccer game, which was just the beginning of our first 18 hour adventure. Watching the Walking Dead every night until 3am, all snuggled up under blankets because it was 23 degrees outside. The first time Tyler and I ever planned to hang out, we ran into each other as he was walking back from racquetball and I was walking to Legend's for dinner - I hardly knew him at this point, but we planned to invite some of our friends to play racquetball. I remember I was super excited, and I turned to my friend Cecily and said "Isn't he cute?" Or the time that Michael and I spent 3 and a half hours talking about everything under the sun. That day was one that I will probably never forget - I told Michael things that I've never told anyone. For some reason, I just kept saying everything that was buried in the depths of my soul. The best part about it was that it felt so natural, and even though it was hard to open up about the deep stuff at first, it just kept coming because I knew that I could trust him, and I knew right then that I was talking to one of the best friends I'd ever had. Funny things that happened... like Tyler throwing up in the Cannon Center while Michael and I stuffed our faces with grapes (Michael definitely won, by the way); or the time that I fell down the stairs and sprained my ankle and Michael farted while they were carrying me back to the dorm; when Michael lost his cheese from his Lunchable while we were watching The Walking Dead, which led to the creation of the nickname Michael "Where's-the-Cheese" Johnson. The time when we played croquet when it was getting dark and it was below freezing outside - we said we had to dress classy, so at least we looked nice while we freezed our booties off. I'll never forget the feeling I had when we finished our Iron Man - running the last half mile all together, and how satisfying it was to finally wear that T-shirt. Studying in the library until 2am (extended hours, baby) and spending most of the time playing Scum when everyone else was really focused on their studies. The little "surprise" birthday party Michael and I tried to have for Tyler, which resulted in absolutely no surprise for Tyler, some really horrible brownies, and an extremely successful pinata. We only broke a little part of the ceiling in the process... We pulled an all-nighter the night before we all left for Thanksgiving break. That night, after we had already seen a movie at the dollar theater, we watched the movie Forever Strong outside of Taylor, just like always, but we moved to Tyler's car to watch the Hunger Games. That was the first time Tyler held my hand, and I had butterflies the whole time. Michael slept through 94% of that movie, and once it was over, we took the car back to Tyler's sister's house and walked all the way home at 4:30 in the morning. I don't even remember most of that walk, I just remember that I was carrying 4 blankets and Tyler laughed a lot. One of my favorite memories that I have of this semester was the very last Fast Sunday we had, and Tyler, Michael and I each stood up and bore our testimonies. I hadn't heard them bear their testimonies yet, and I was a wreck afterwards. Testimonies are already so precious, but I just felt so blessed in that moment to have such amazing friends that are so steadfast in the true church of Jesus Christ and so willing to share. I cried a lot that day. Another one of my favorite moments was when I beat Tyler and Michael to the Cannon Center when we planned to meet for breakfast at 7:15. I think I woke up at 6, just so I could be positive that I would beat them. It was one of my prouder moments.

I just wish I could accurately express just how much I love these two. I was so blessed to be able to spend the past few days with them here in Colorado. Plenty of Scum playing, some chicken holding, The Hobbit and We Bought a Zoo, ice cream cake, delicious burritos, letting my inner country girl shine as I drove through the plains of Westminster and Brighton, star gazing in Sedalia, playing Mario Kart and watching Holes, making cookies and a delicious home cooked meal... I'm so happy. I might be depressed every time I think about Michael leaving us, but I'm so happy right now. I am so happy to be able to call these two my friends, and I am so happy that I was able to make so many great memories with them. I'll miss Michael terribly, but I keep picturing the reunion we'll have, after we've all served missions and communicated solely via letters for two and half years. It will be the best reunion, probably one with a lot of tears and snot. 

I think I'll go to bed smiling tonight.

The only thing I have left to say: Thank you, Michael and Tyler, for being two of the very best friends I've ever had. I love you guys more than you know.