Long Time, No See

Well, it looks as though I may have slacked a little bit on my blogging. And when I say a little, I mean lookIhaven'tbloggedinovertwomonths. It's kind of sad - to think, I was so excited to post daily about my adventures, and document the days as they passed so I wouldn't forget them. I really wish now that I would have; though if we're being honest, some of my posts would have been pretty angry, considering the struggle that was my job. As much as I love kids, I had many hard days. But, I can't dwell on the should-have- or could-have-been's, I must look forward.

Looking forward. What an interesting concept. This blog that I started in the beginning of the summer started with a post about Graduation. It honestly and truly feels like I graduated years ago. I feel like so much has happened since then, when it's really only been three months. After Graduation, I did a lot of "looking forward," as it were. During the school year, I could not wait to get out of high school and move to Provo. After I graduated, I sort of saw college as a looming presence in my life, though it still seemed like it was some what far away. This is where I currently stand: I leave for school in roughly 57 hours. If we're being honest, that is not far away at all. To put it simply, I am staring college right in the eye. It's crazy and weird and scary and exciting and promising and new and unknown and interesting and every other adjective that works in this situation. I feel almost apathetic; it really hasn't hit me. There are moments when I am so excited I can hardly contain myself, and moments when I feel like curling up in a ball, hiding, and letting myself cry and think about all of the things I'm going to miss. There are a lot of things that I am going to miss. I'm in this weird place where even though I'm busy, I often feel like there is not much going on. And since I have not yet gotten to school, all I really have to think about are my memories, and the fact that the life I love here will simply go on without me. It's just so hard to picture myself sitting in my dorm room with my best friend, when I drive by my old high school almost everyday and think about the Cross Country season that started already  (without me), and the Homecoming assembly and parade that will be happening in a few short weeks (without me). On the same note, however, I will be at BYU in three days. In three days, I will have all of my crap moved into my new room, I will be checking in and getting a student ID and trying to memorize the map before I start wandering around looking lost. I will literally be having the time of my life, and though I can't really see that yet, I know that it's true. It's really going to happen. And it's going to be amazing.

I decided I don't want to miss out. I want to do all that I can without drowning in life, and I want to do it all the very best that I possibly can. I don't want to be on the outside of anything; I want to let myself live and have fun and study hard and be successful, darn it! I know that college will be all that I think it will be and more. I guess, even though I don't really admit this to people, I'm a little bit scared. No, I really am scared. But I know that I am in good hands, and I know that everything that is meant to happen will happen. I want to record it all, I want to remember the good times and write about all the crazy things I feel. I want to remember people, places, events...everything. This ol' blog will certainly come in handy. I need to clean and pack, and really buckle down. This is happening.


Look out, all you Mormons. I'm comin' for ya.